I’m Waiting For Your Boyfriend or: Why I Hate The Velvet Underground

“I’m Waiting for My Man” by The Velvet Underground and “I Wanna be Your Boyfriend” by The Ramones are the same song.

Go ahead and listen to either one. I’ll wait.

Clearly, these aren’t the only songs that share similar traits to the point of near mimicry, but when I heard “I’m Waiting…” come on the radio today, I started singing the melody to “I Wanna…” and, whoa, wait a second… It’s the same goddamn song.

It immediately reignited my disdain for The Velvet Underground.

While their clear “too-cool-for-school” ennui may be an indicator that they were a sort of proto-punk and a sign of things to come, it doesn’t change the fact that they were lazy music for lazy people; something for future art and political science majors at NYU to dance stiff-legged to in their overpriced apartment at 4:00 in the morning.

I picture their first band meeting going something like this:
Reed: “Okay guys, here’s the thing: we’re going to play mind-numbingly simple chord progressions over an unchanging beat with elementary rhyme schemes, because we’re just up there to fund our drug habits and help Andy sell some of his shitty paintings… and then we’re going to bring in this tone-deaf German chick to sing… will it sell?  Like fucking hotcakes, it will!”

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