Hello Mr. Murray,
It’s me. David Duvall. I know we haven’t met personally, but a couple of my friends have run into you on separate occasions. So, I mean, that pretty much makes us buds, right?
I kid. I’ve become cripplingly aware of the concept of Fallacy of Familiarity, due to my writing this one open letter to you, and another one I wrote addressed to the young and talented Mr. Daniel Radcliffe. It seems my only reprieve from the stark loneliness and grim realities as the sun sets on my third decade here on Earth lie in these insignificant lifelines thrown into the void of social media: some sort of quest for recognition. Do I even exist?! Dear Lord, WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN??!!!
Again, I joke. How much of a bummer would that be? No, sir. I would be loathe to waste your time with such hobnobbery. We’ve all taken hallucinogens. We’ve glimpsed the ageless face of the true nature of reality and shied away from it’s ambivalence. We all know what that’s about. Old news.
Let me cut to the chase, Mr. Murray. On the 30th of August of this year, 2016, I will turn 30 years old. This, of course, will make it my “Golden Birthday”: turning 30 on the 30th, and I would like to extend my personal invitation to attend my birthday celebration to you. I’m relaying it to you now in January, because.. well, I assume that you are a busy man. What with saving the world with your comedic grace and all.
I don’t have very many details ironed out because it’s over 7 months away, but as I told Mr. Radcliffe earlier, I’m picturing karaoke, barbecue and a hearty amount of good tequila.
Why have I chosen to invite two people who I’ve never met to my birthday party, you ask? Well… Let’s just say that I’ve heard stories, seen pictures and read up on some of the things that you and Mr. Radcliffe have gotten up to in your time away from the camera. You two seem to have a fair amount in common, and they’re things that I can appreciate: random acts of kindness, dumbness and adventures that you won’t catch your average human being getting into past the age of 16. And it is this lifelong dedication to youthful good nature which has me convinced that you would make a most welcome guest, and find yourself among like-minded company as well.
That, and bragging rights. When we all look back from time to time and recognize highlights which we smile on as warm, familiar memories and low times which we smile on thanks to their being behind us; when my brother says, “Remember on my 30th birthday when we took LSD and climbed up the side of a mountain in the middle of the night, howling like coyotes when we reached the top, only to come back down as the sun started to rise?” Or when my best friend says, “Remember when I turned 30, and you guys surprised me at a beautiful cabin in the middle of the Rocky Mountains and we spent the next two days drinking massive amounts of bourbon, singing songs, eating delicious food and rolling around naked in the snow?” I want to be able to say, “Remember my 30th birthday when Harry Potter and Big Ern crashed my party and sang ‘Running With the Devil’ while we pounded Espolon Silver and ate the best brisket known to man?” Doesn’t that sound like fun?
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m a guy who appreciates the small things, too. I would be just as content to spend a relaxing day with family and loved ones. But that doesn’t mean I’m not trying to grab life by the tail and swing it around a bit.
And by all means, if you have prior obligations or projects at the time my birthday does eventually roll around, there won’t be any hard feelings if you can’t make it. But as I’m well aware, if you don’t ask, the answer is always no. So just consider this a friendly invitation, like you might receive from anybody else. Only this time, you don’t know the person whose birth you’re celebrating. But if I’ve caught even a glimpse of your true personality, this might be as much fun for you as it would be an honor for me.
If this does sound like something you can and want to do, please get back to me at your earliest convenience, and I’ll keep you informed of the details as they emerge. Thank you for your time and for just being you.
January 8th, 2016